FINAL EXAM

Final Exam is a fascinating book with a thesis that doctors are so geared to life that they don't know how to help their patients face death. Dr. Pauline Chen says that doctors fail patients miserably at the end of life. I think I love this woman. In my next life!

She's a liver transplant surgeon and is on the cusp when young people who often die too soon, give life to those almost dead waiting on a transplant. She talks about medical training and doesn't give the docs any slack--from the idea of how they treat the terminally ill, the turf battles among specialties, and the ritualized hazing of residents (I think she means long working hours and treating them like servants. I watch Scrubs afterall)

Having been a hospital chaplain, I get it. It was probably my worst assignment in 29 years and yet I think I did the most good. Working with docs who somehow think they are in the Trinity: Father, Son, Holy Spirit, doctors, not necessarily in that order, no day at the beach. As good as they are, I think it has to do with their training and the good Doc Chen addresses this. Way to go.

PHIL WOODALL'S MEMORIAL

HOW SHALL WE DIE

Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. Psalms
90:12

Three score and ten years--perhaps fourscore--that is our life span, in
round numbers, according to the ancient psalmist. To a youngster in the
prime of life, seventy or eighty or ninety years seems to stretch out
in the an endless succession of days. But in fact, life has its limits;
our days are numbered. A seventy year life span equals exactly 25,567
days counting the extra days in leap years. We have no way of knowing
how many days are allotted to us. But even if we did know, a mere
numerical count of so many days would give us neither wisdom nor
virtue. Surely then, the psalmist meant something more than years when
he prayed, "teach us to number our days." When we make the psalmist's
brief prayer our own, we ask for wisdom rightly to contemplate our
mortality; but also we seek wisdom to live well all the remaining days
of our life.

This is, to me, the lesson of Phil Woodall's life. Phil passed from
this life into the next at a relatively young age: 58 but as we all
know, he lived his life, "large."

For us combat vets, we know Phil mostly as a soldier. He was not only a
good one but the best. As a member of a fire team, he distinguished
himself time and time again. His leadership was evident when he moved
to squad leader, then to the command section as the commander's Radio
Telephone Operator. Highly decorated for his tours of duty, Phil always
remained the poet. Most of us remember how, when the fighting lulled,
he would write his poetry. He would write it on toilet tissue, on c
rations boxes, anything available. In a sense, stretching from Vietnam
to throughout his life, his poetry touched the lives of scores. With
the aftermath of Vietnam, his statement, "they may have died in vain
but they lived in honor" remains the absolute definition of a
generation.

We will miss Phil, the fact that he is not physically any longer in our
world does have an impact. We will miss his presence at our reunions,
the phone calls, the emails, the new poetry scribbled on whatever he
had near. Our lives will not be the same. I think Angelo Patri had it
right: "in one sense, there is no death. The life of a soul on earth
last beyond his or her departure. We will always feel Phil's life
touching ours, that voice speaking to us, that spirit looking out of
other's eyes, talking to us in the familiar things he touched, worked
with, loved as familiar friends. Phil lives on in our lives and in the
lives of all that knew him." The "poetry" of his life lives forever.
Amen.

SCROOGE SPEECH

I always get bothered around this season of the year for many reasons. Mostly it has to do with the fact that Christmas has truly become a cultural holiday. Sure, we constantly have the screamers on TV and others that talk about the true meaning of Christmas, issues of religious freedom or lack thereof, i. e., St. Paul, MN who had the Happy Easter sign removed from City Hall. Get it: Saint Paul. Then there is the buying of presents. For most Americans, we are out buying, trying to buy, whatever, for those who don't need anything.

A good buddy of mine told me this story recently, his Mom and sister decided, let's cut this out, giving each other gifts: take the money that we would spend and give it to a charity selected by the person who ordinarily would get the gift. All is well and suddenly the Mother decides that she is getting everybody a gift, just can't let it go.

I love this story: this couple is looking in the window at Macy's and suddenly one of them spies a little manger scene in the corner of the window and says, "Well, look at that, even the Church is trying to horn in on this Christmas business."

So, there you have it. I feel a little better having vented a little. However, I think my biggest issue, however, has to do with the fact that again, on this Christmas, we are war. Relatively speaking, it has affected few people, most Americans are untouched: Iraq what? I want us all to stop and be touched, concerned, pained that on this cultural holiday representing PEACE, we have America's young men and women on foreign soil. It really is hard to think about peace, the Prince of Peace in such times. God bless our soldiers and God bless us.

ON DEATH AND DYING

NOBODY WANTS TO TALK ABOUT A GOOD DEATH

Interesting "Frontline" story recently on the process of getting older (my interpretation). Over sixty percent of aging populations end up in nursing homes and almost 90% of those who go in, temporarily, stay. Watching it all was simply astounding, plus very sobering, which is the best word I can put on it. Also, talked about the "good" death.

It did get me to thinking, however; what I want to do is to make sure that somebody does me in when it is time. And, I am willing to let them decide. The difficulty is finding someone to do it. A buddy of mine in Alaska has said he would and I would for him but we haven't worked out the details. I think I'm going to look for a backup plan. Although this is said somewhat as tongue in cheek, the idea of lingering when I hardly know I'm in this world is totally unacceptable.

What is equally as interesting to me is that I wanted to discuss this with at least two groups of which I'm associated. In both, it was the "nobody is home look." Is it denial? What? I did finally get an email message from a friend that said this:

I'd never (I believe and hope) ask another to bear the responsibility before God of relieving me of my misery and pain. Timing is in His hand and I believe He has a plan!

Public opinion has no affect on God's plan, love, mercy, and grace. I believe that mercy-murder is more than that; it is also the audacious estimating of the quality of my will, wisdom and capability for mercy to be above God's.

Because God's standards are not subject to opinion polls, and since taking a life--as opposed to leaving the matter in the hands of the Master Timekeeper--even for mercy's sake has not been blessed by God, to my knowledge, I could never ask another to weigh his eternal standing against my very temporary misery/fear/etc.

Said another way, no one loves me more the God, and I certainly can't love another more than He loves him/her. So how can I assume that I have more mercy to give? How could I assume to be capable of coming up with a plan--out of my perspective, fears and dread--that is wiser, more loving and more merciful than the plan my Father and Christ has for me and/or some party that I ask to share the eternal responsibilities of my decisions and persuasions? No, I hope I could never be miserable enough to ask another to put so much on the line for me and that I could never do it while in a state of dementia or insanity.

MY RESPONSE

Thanks for your comments. Certainly well thought out and in general pretty much what most think, probably not articulated by most as well as yours. There is something amazing about people wanting to live and of course, subscribing the ending of life in any way to God, providence or whatever. I personally think it is a kind of lineal thinking that may have lots to do with our own personalities. Those of us who even embrace that "this world is not my home" spend inordinate amounts of money not to leave it. I am always flummoxed (a word I love).

My view is really a philosophical difference. Somehow the most merciless thing is to warehouse folks in nursing homes, many who don't know they are in this world and if they do, have an extremely poor quality of life. We treat our animals better than our loved ones often. The philosophical differences lie in the world of decisions. And, I at least believe, that the one whose life it is makes the decision.

The Haves and Have Nots

We all know this to be true. The rich get richer and the poor poorer. Bottom 90% of taxpayers made $28,355 or thereabouts last year. The top 1% of the American taxpayer made $940,441; the top 0.1% made $4,506,291.

The Schiavo Case

I've been following theTerri Schiavo case as I'm sure you guys have. What are your thoughts? I think I probably know. It's a neo con issue: don't confuse me with facts, my mind is made up. Just like Million Dollar Baby, the movie, is a left wing plot, the same as SpongeBob is gay. I don't want to put words in your mouth and would hope that the 10 chaps operate from reason as opposed to a party line. From my perspective, talk about screwing up a "two car funeral procession," the government can do it. Now, they've only muddled it. Why we can't let the poor woman died is beyond me: fifteen years she hasn't known she is in the world. Sad and somehow, to me it is so weird: doesn't the faith teach us that this world is not my home. The husband is not the issue, however; I admit that he appears to be a sleaze but we are talking 15 years. No, would never say anyone has to agree with me. I do think that overall, these are heavy duty issues that must be faced one of these days by most people, especially as health care becomes more and more cost prohibitive. Allowing folks to linger and linger with no hope who don't know they are in the world is cruel beyond all means to me. As someone has said, we treat our animals better than people. What this case has done, however, is focus attention on an issue which is too often ignored or denied and for that, I think it is good.

A friend of mine has contracted with me to do me in if I begin to lose it without any chance of return and if I have become a burden to my family. I am doing the same for him. And, I have told all my family. I think Korvokian had the right idea, he was just the wrong person. I like Oregon's law.

One of the reasons I thought Million Dollar Baby was such a profound movie was she died well.

The Male Chauvanist Bible

Was reading in the Old Testament this morning: I think I told you I read that One a Day Bible, where you read all the way through every year. Always something different or I read something and think, "Wow, having seen this before." This morning David discovers that Saul is really trying to kill him and he goes to the Priest for food and the Priest says that he only has consecrated bread. David says that will be fine but then the Priest says, I can't give it to you if your men have been with women. David says, they have not: even though the battle may be unholy, their "things" are holy.

So, I guess a woman's "thing" is unholy if you are a literalist; I am often amazed at how the paternal themes run through the Bible: it is very hard to be a women and if you think about it, the theme especially with Paul, in the New Testament is the same; plus, wouldn't you love to hear a preacher preach a sermon on this topic. Funny.

Strange, that you and I are both with the Bible on our minds. I have been thinking about
the Bible quite a bit the last couple of days - don't have time to go into my thoughts now,
but will later. It is funny that men are "holy" regardless and women are the evil force in
the lives of men - at least, in the Bible. Just like with David and Bathsheba - she was the
evil one - leading David on - taking baths in the courtyard - and, David was just an innocent. Now, I'm on a tangent.

Sincere Beliefs On Both Sides

I've been following theTerri Schiavo case as I'm sure you guys have. What are your thoughts? I think I probably know. It's a neo con issue: don't confuse me with facts, my mind is made up. Just like Million Dollar Baby, the movie, is a left wing plot, the same as SongeBob is gay. I don't want to put words in your mouth and would hope that the 10 chaps operate from reason as opposed to a party line. From my perspective, talk about screwing up a "two car funeral procession," the government can do it. Now, they've only muddled it. Why we can't let the poor woman died is beyond me: fifteen years she hasn't known she is in the world. Sad and somehow, to me it is so weird: doesn't the faith teach us that this world is not my home.

THE PARTY LINE OF THE RIGHT TO DIE PEOPLE

No, I don’t believe that SpongeBob is gay… and I have not seen Million Dollar Baby so I can’t comment. BUT, As to Terri, yes, I can comment. Would love to meet you out by the beach and have a snack. Which leads me to what I think about starving someone to death.
Can’t believe that this is the biggest issue.

Had this “husband” been consistent and had he remained faithful until the decision was made, most of this nation would say that Terri is his wife and that he represents her wishes.
But he started off saying that she should live and be cared for and get therapy, etc.
Then he got the money to do so and his mind changed. Now he wants her dead.
I am not really sure about his motives.
The parents want her to live.

They believe that she is communicating through her smiles and other facial responses.
So who has the right to make the decision, a loyal mom and dad or a gutless guy who could have divorced Terri and gone on his merry way but for some reason(s) decided that he would just rather have children by another woman and stay married to Terri?
I vote that the parents should have the right.
I vote that the “husband” gave up the right to be husband and have the say-so.
NOW
If you insist that the starving her to death is the issue, then:
I vote with whatever she put down on paper and signed.
I don’t believe for a minute that she told her husband one thing and her parents another about her preferences.

She is not in a persistent vegetative state. But I would not want to be kept alive in the same situation. I believe heaven is better. However, I don’t want to turn to judges or doctors to make such decisions. They are not capable or qualified to speak for every person and every situation. I would decide in favor of life for Terri based on her parent’s desires. At times I have tried to help a family decide to pull the feeding tube. I remember a lady in Crestview FL nursing home who could not hear or respond. She appeared to be in a coma but still her family could not pull the tube. They could and would have taken away any heroic measures. But simple food and water they could not remove. I certainly would have decided to do so, but that was not something they would consider.

A Little Counseling Philosophy

Thanks for the talk about the problem with my daughter. As you correctly surmised, I have some problems with confrontational conversations. A large part from how I grew up (more heads in the sand than I care to remember) but know I need to get past that--as you say, things just generally get worse, don't go away or get better on their own.

DRIVEN BY OUR PERSONALITIES

I basically think that for the most part, we are driven by our personality and you have great insight as I said, into how you are. You are an ESFJ on the Myers Briggs Type Indicator. I use to do lots of counseling and always felt that I was not good at it overall. In fact, I once started a counseling practice with a buddy of mine called Esthetic Therapy, Inc. He fired me after a couple of months and politely said, "this is not working." He said that counseling was suppose to make money and as I got clients, they would come in and talk for two or three sessions with me and I'd cut them loose and basically tell'em to be their own counselor. Well, in a business you can't do that: you want to keep the people coming back and back and back and taking their money. And, some need to keep coming back but after about three times, I would evaluate and give them my views.

SUPERVISED COUNSELING CAN BE MAJOR RIPOFF

Oh well...plus, another reason I didn't like counseling and this was really unfortunate because I'd spent lots of money getting certified and paying people to supervise me when most of the time I knew more than they did. (Supervised counseling is basilly a ripoff--a front told me recently that she was paying $125 and hour and getting nothing. After she has paid the guy a small fortune, he'll sign her certification that she has completed the necessary hours. I'm amazed that no one has taken this issue on.) My real feelings are that most folks have this enormous capacity to change. Unfortunately, most don't do it. For instance, I would tell folks, "insight is great but if you don't do anything with it, what good is it?" And, as a self diagnosed ADD Attention Deficit Disorder), too, too impatient with folks.

CHURCH RARELY LIVES UP TO ITS POTENTIAL

I don't' know why in the hell I ever got into this business anyway. I loved being a chaplain, it's a good activist thing to do but hated being a church pastor. Damn, what a hassle and yet, I think that the church in our society, if it lives up to what Jesus designed it to be, has the greatest possibility to help people to change. Very few churches ever get to that level, I think. I see these big megachurches on TV and listen to some of these guys and I get nauseous. Help.

Terminating a Pregnancy

On the Discovery Channel the other night, there was this amazing program on how a baby is formed--pretty graphic and educational and what all of us know but to see it at various stages--wow! Makes you think about the idea of abortion. My basic view has always been that when a child can live outside the body, then it is a person. The drag is that it is definitely forming from the very beginning. I think that I'm going to have to go "situation ethics" on the process. When someone asked me what I believe, I can't make a definitive statement for or against--"tell me the situation" and then I would tell you what I think. What I would fear in taking a stand is to be in the ballpark of the zealots. Life is very complicated.

Comment: the thing that has always angered me is that couples who just have sex - no thought to what might happen - then just have an abortion. Nothing clear cut here, but I do have very strong feelings in some areas.

Comment: Here's my view. I am a Nurse and believe this: soul assignment. When a child is born, God assigns that child a soul and then it is a real person. All else before then is just trappings.

Remind me of Martha

Thanks for the compliment, but definitely not more talented than Martha - the one ingredient she really has that I have none of is "ambition" - never pushed hard enough. Like you, I think she was made an exmple of - totally unfair - but she will come out smelling like a rose. There is something inside me that just can't quite like Martha - I certainly have noway of knowing, but I have a feeling she has walked over alot of people to get where she is, but, then, I'm being judgemental. Plus, I am so tired of the celebrity worship -even with Oprah - granted she certainly came from what (to anyone else) would have been a hopeless situation and look what she has become. People follow her and hang on everyword - a little scary.

Teenagers

Carolyn and I were talking recently about the morality changes and how they must be affecting young people. It's one thing at our age, but something else with impressionable youngsters. I think you and I have even discussed this. I'm appalled at the fact that young girls especially are engaged in oral sex.

Kids are not the problems often, it is the parents. What is it that brings teenage girls to be so brazen on oral sex with boys: it isn't the sex, it is the realization again that we haven't moved for far in terms of gender equality. Girls are giving up self esteem, being subserviant, failing to demand equal treatment. If these areas of self esteem were zeroed in on, then the sexual issues would take care of themselves, as I see it.

Morally Asleep

The minister's sermon was talking about for most of society we are "morallyasleep" - guess he's right. He used as an example the fact that he upgraded his tv recently and was given HBO and some other channel three months for free. He said he wasn't blind to the many changes that have taken place, but he said to see and hear it in his own home was a different matter. He was talking about the crude language, nudity, sex, etc. - I guess he had the cable people to remove it.

There are some terrible things on TV but it is like lots of things: shouldn't we be disciplined enough to keep from watching them: and the pay channels that he is talking about, they are expensive and although he was looking at them as an enticement, still should we take away people's freedom to look if they pay. It is a slippery slope and one that we really have to be careful about: when you start being the morals police, where do you stop? I don't think most folks are morally asleep; life is often complicated and not black and white other than to the fundamentalists who say it is black and white based on their interpretation. The fundamentalists become the morals police. This is a very simplistic and easy way to live in a sense. Very tricky in so many ways.