Thursday, January 13, 2011


When you are in a bad situation, several choices can be made. None easy or good. What makes the scene especially bad are kids and lack of way to support oneself really well. But, mostly has to do with personality. For some people with particular type natures, so hard to make a personal decision.
What might be the case is the "other party" may really be unhappy. Ideal thing would be for an admittance to the fact and agree to move out. Maybe if it was presented, might be waiting for a way out. If both are truly unhappy. I don't mean just getting one of your feelings hurt but can hardly stand to be in the same room, feel constantly rejected or angry or sad, then past time for action.
First question to asked: is there absolutely anything that I am doing that exacerbates the situation which I can stop. If honest and the answer is no, then what to do! Also, have you tried everything? For instance, is involvement in other areas hurting, even emotional or intimacy issues? If so, why not stop? Will it make a difference if emotional needs, even on small basis, were met somewhere else? Does it make difference? Is there anything for you to do? If you were to give up career and stay home, would this help? What about a permanent job with more regular money coming in? What about kids. Are they being hurt. Are they being involved and asked to take sides?
If you plan to confront which I doubt or have trouble expressing your thoughts or get confused or emotional, write out.
"Obviously, things are not going well with us. You seem to resent me and are angry 24/7 it seems and I don't understand. I try my best but nothing seems to please you. If you would tell me what you want, maybe that would help. But, we have to deal with these things as it is no way for either of us to live. Would you like to move out? We can't have it hurting the children. It is nor fair to them to be around us in our misery. "

A last thing and nothing new: nothing is a hundred percent. Relationships are really tough, especially where there are personality issues. If your mental health is not impaired, maybe it is a matter of sucking it up and setting up what you need too. Good luck and God bless you.


I got to thinking how I wanted it done. Cremated, ashes to several friends who might want them and then to spread at maybe three or four places: Ocean Beach, Presideo, my home town, then at the National Cemetery at Fort Leavenworth. All symbolic but nice thoughts.

About a month before Rose died, she asked several, including myself, if we wanted any of her ashes. Of course and when I ever get this book done, I'm going to spread them at Ocean Beach where we always were going to go. It was a ritual. When we were headed to treatment she would say, "today let's ride down to Ocean Beach." Then when the day was over, she'd say, "would you mind if we skipped the beach today."