Do you believe in Kenosis? No, not really, not significant to me. Basically as I understand, the idea--Jesus gave up some of his godly powers to be on man's level. No, I don't believe that but believe he remained God. It is all a gigantic mystery and part of the faith experience, anyway. What we have to understand is that God could really do anything He wants. He's God for God's sake.

Michael says, "I am with Al Pachino in the movie "Scent of  a Woman". He said, "God must have been a f..king genius to create women." Roger that. 

When you are tuned into wonderful flesh and the "promise-land" awaits you, for us mere mortals, in my belief, this is in fact the closest to the sacred, to heaven on earth we will ever get in this life. Amen. Now this concept is important. 

LAMAR

Lamar, I really miss him 

(Departed this life for the next a few months ago). A unique Character.  We are at the Forscom/Tradoc Conference. I think St Louis. I am bored out of my gourd. Lamar says to me, "let's have a drink." We can't have a drink. We are in uniform. He says I have some bourbon in my room. What the heck! We go up to his room? Pour a drink and shoot the breeze. I can't drink anyway (goes right to my head).  We have another one. Lamar says, "let's watch a movie." We watched "Scent of a Woman." I thought it was maybe porno. Turns out it was a terrific movie. We then went back downstairs just in time for the conference to end. Good memory.

This is the worst crop of presidential candidates ever. I have ranted so much about Trump, not him but who is voting for him, I am thru. I will stick with my prediction of the demographics will determine it. US democrats, Hispanics, blacks, gays, young people (if we can corral them), will put Hillary in. In most ways I could care less. The difference in us and most democracies--the president can send us to war and we know how disastrous that can be: Vietnam, Iraq, etc.

Long before it was a popular thing to say or the movie, "Pay It Forward," I knew about it. I was bussing tables in the dining hall at my college and met this older lady. We chatted and the next thing I knew, she was giving me $200 a month. It was incredible, a life line and changed my life. She said, "one day, you will have a chance to pay me back by reaching out to someone else." I have had those chances often. 

Becoming A Christian

After the Sunrise Service at Jackie's Church, we were invited over to a retired USF prof.'s place for b'fast.  Nice guy and I like him lots. He was Economics Professor at USF (University of San Francisco, good Jesuit University). We always have good talks. Yesterday we were discussing the Immigration crisis in Europe. 

He is German and especially was talking about what it means to Germany. Then he said to me, "Scores of the refugees have become Christians." It got me to thinking. Although I see myself as socially liberal, I am theologically very conservative. I believe in the whole Bible and that there are no errors. If they are, they are made by man, not God. I am pre-millinial and believe that a person must be saved to go to heaven. 

By this time, Lamar would be seething. LOL. IF YOU WANT TO BE A MUSLIM, all you have to do is declare you are a Muslim. The praying and all the commitment comes later. To become a Christian, you cannot merely say you are a Christian. You must be converted: accept Jesus into your heart and literally have the experience, saved, if you will. This is a process. Declaring f that you are a sinner, that God in Christ died for your "sin" and his death and the shedding of his blood took care of the "sin"  and if you accept that sacrifice, you can declare yourself a Christian. 

Do we think all these people who are declaring themselves Christian are understanding this or as my friend, Hartmuth says: they think
that if they declare themselves Christian, they would be less likely to be returned as the Muslims would consider them infidels and want to kill them. What think?
 What think?

LAMAR

I think of so many experiences with Lamar. He was the best debater. Honestly few could hold him a light. Lamar loved our Seminary, (ARPAssociate Reform Presbyterian--we always planned to go together for a visit. We never did). It was a good place to be.  Challenging. We had a real "mishmash of students" and had this one guy, still remember his name. Walter Hudson. He was an "Independent Baptist." For some reason, we got to debating the Second Coming. This guy would not let up. One day for class, Walter unloads all these charts and easels. He had about a warehouse full of material about the Second Coming: When it was predicted, why it would happen, etc. The school acted like they had never heard of such. Lamar and Walter got to arguing. Lamar called himself a "pan" millennialist." You have the post Millenial (world gets better and better till Jesus comes). The pre millinial (world gets worse and worse until Jesus comes). And then you have the pan Millenial (everything pans out in the end).   

I never knew Lamar had such a temper. He and Walter started shouting. Lamar started tearing down Walter's posters. The students pour out the classrooms. I think Lamar and Walter are going to come to blows. Lamar didn't oppose the "Second Coming" obvious but couldn't abide Walter's, what he called, angry fundamentalist views. We never let Lamar forget he almost got expelled because of the Second Coming. You had to be there, we laughed for days. 

HAPPY VALENTINE DAY

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY

I know this is pretty crass as a real "Hallmark Card," since they created this day--your mailbox has probably

been full all week. Still, Happy Day. 

My Friend's response: Thank you very much. So thoughtful... I hate this day. All single people do!!! But, I love the thought that u would think of me. Hoo-Ahhhh!!!

Valentine's Day is bullshit unless it helps us dream. Next year to avoid, you could be in Paris with a little luck. 

PASTOR OUTED

Possibly because of the Ashley Madison website, he committed suicide. I saw the interview with the family and felt genuinely sad. A bud sent me the link. 

Watching it was like watching our culture. The pastor's suicide was almost beside the point. The video had some pics of the deceased pastor, wife and two older children, up pops a McDonald's commercial--then the media interview, asking those unansuable questions. 

 What is so bad that someone like this kills himself? I don't know. Is it only guilt? Is it the condemnation he knows he would have faced? I don't know. None of us know what we'd do. Sinners saved by grace.  ALL. 

Anything related to sex is scandal scandal, scandal. Way too much. What about getting help. He's the helper. God bless his family. 

My favorite Cowboy, Gus, in the mini-series, "Lonesome Dove" when asked the unanswerable question said, "I don't know. I simply don't know." 

LORD OF THE DANCE

Reminds me of a war story. I was at FORSCOM, before Tom. I was the admin guy. We got this letter from this person who demanded to see the hymn book that had some song he objected too. Can't remember the name of the song. On A Friday morning or something like that. Kermit told me to draft up a letter. I did, one of those, "can't send you the book, government property, etc." Kermit was gone, Ed Christoph, who was Deputy, needed to sign. Ed said, "Forget the letter. Send the guy the hymn book." I did with a note from Ed, "keep as long as you like and send back." About a week later, back came the hymnal. Ed thinks, probably looked through it, saw all the old hymns were included and lost his objection. Good lesson. Ed was smart guy.  

INCOME INEQUALITY

You have got to be s...ten me. The CEO of HP got over 19mil last year. We are making big time progress in closing the gap on "income inequality.  

LIFE SKILLS

Recently my wife was telling me about some FB postings of someone on her "Journey of Cancer." She posted about her treatment plan and all the problems involved. It was pretty dismal. She had the gene that seemingly necessitated a radical mastectomy. Add to that no real family help. Heavy duty issues with a son, already acting out. Very sad. And, yet I know this person has fabulous life skills. 

As one who strongly believes that God is not very involved with us down here, mainly it wouldn't make sense. How would God choose, "Oh, that one can live, that one gets cancer, that one gets run over by a car, etc, ;" See what I mean." This isn't a repudiation of someone who has a belief of more direct involvement. People have to believe what works for them. My view is that God sets life in motion. Gives us good minds and tools and says you are on your own but I have given you what you need

MIDDLE YEARS CANCER

Read a sad, sad story about parents who lost their daughter to breast cancer. The daughter was already into a career and family. Her middle years so to speak. 

Parents were devastated and could not find anything or anybody to help them. Some of it has to do with asking for help which for some is no easy thing. A few weeks ago, I was sitting in the lobby at UCSF (University of California, San Francisco) and saw an older couple get off the elevator. The woman was in the wheelchair, her husband, I assume was pushing her. We are talking in their 80s. They needed help. I offered. No thank you. Sadly, they needed help. She looked pained. He was struggling, holding a cane and pushing the wheelchair. They needed help and didn't know how to asked or accept it. This is truly sad. 

HONORING RAZ

I am getting married on June 7th to my girlfriend of 6 years and was wondering if you would be willing to marry us.  We discussed options and dad had the great idea of asking you.  I know this is a big ask, so if you are unable to we completely understand.

Jackson, of course I will do it. I am deeply touched and honored that you would asked. It is a wonderful way to honor your grandpa who loved you with great passion. The date is on the calendar. Congratulations to you. God bless. 

CHRISTMAS IN NAM

Brothers in front of a Huey D model, again, 47 years later as they were in Vietnam together! Austin was a helicopter pilot and Ray, a Marine platoon leader. 

"Captain, you look like shit. (Joke between us, term of affection among Vietnam vets) Austin looks great. Where is the Huey located? Naturally , I have a war story." 

I logged in lots of hours in a Huey! In Nam, I had a Huey all to myself on Thanksgiving and Christmas. This guy painted a gigantic Christmas tree on the front of the helicopter. It was beautiful, blinking lights, everything. I am amazed that the VC didn't shoot us down. Would you believe that if we did one trip over enemy positions, we did a hundred. Not one time did we take fire. Other choppers were fired on constantly. 

I know this is a stretch but reminds me of the story I just heard of the 1914 WWI ceasefire on Christmas eve between German soldiers and the Brits. It was Christmas in Nam and the VC never fired on us. Good story and I'm sticking with it. 

SHARING INFO WITH MY NIECE

My daughter has 2 have chemo. She starts January 2nd.

On "60 minutes" last week, one of the stories was about this theory that chemo should be in smaller doses over a longer period. The present practice is to give massive doses of chemo which in turn causes the cancer cells to disappear, making patients think they are gone when in fact they were hiding. (MFers)They reappear. Longer, lessor doses are more effective in killing the cancer cells so goes the theory. It is an insidious disease. 

Always thinking of you and especially now with your daughter. Her final report had negative nodes but she will probably still have 2 have chemo. She will find out next Thursday. Regardless, I hate your daughter has to go through this and will be much in prayer. God bless her and you and all the family. F..K

THE RIGHT TO DIE COMES IN MANY FORMS

I have always been a proponent of our "right to die, death with dignity, whatever the overall term we may use". And, I am an Albert Ellis disciple and live my life by Rational Emotive Therapy. Al says very simply our life belongs to us and we can do what we want with it. 

I recently had this live experience which I think is related. Our neighbor is in the hospital. Looks like a serious illness possibly, may be something like MS. She was OK on MRI but can't stand up, etc. My wife, in trying to follow the Augustinian Principle (you can't help everyone but when you are confronted with need, you are obligated to help). She possibly involved herself too early on. Now she has to continue. You cannot get involved with someone and abandon them in crisis. She has, at my suggestion, gotten the fiancée and friends involved. 

The issue is her cat and this is "a right to die" question. Seeing her cat as she does is totally foreign to me. It is a cat for God's sake, I don't even like cats and he needs to be "put down" from my perspective. 

But, she refuses. The point is, it is her choice, she could do it. (We treat our animals better than we do people). However for us humans, as my mentor, Al Ellis says. I repeat,  "Our life belongs to us and we can do with it what we want."  

She views Henry as her baby and in normal times treats him 10 times better than most kids. One of the old guys I hang out with, my GFs, as my wife calls them; when I was telling them about it, and lamenting the fact that the cat, should "hit the road," said to me, "What you don't understand, she views her cat like you would your grandchildren. What if it was one of them." Wow. Helped. And this concept works all kinds of ways--

This is my neighbor's choice. It is her choice for her cat's right to die or not. God bless her and I might add, Henry. 

WE NEED A BREAK

She is going to have a radical mastectomy (there is evidence that doing this is often useless but my experience is that patients think they have done it all if they do. I am surely not going to mention) and be done with both of them. I think the waiting is the hard part and not knowing what stage, etc. tt

OMG. Based on the process, and the stage, an ordeal begins to save her life like so hard. I have pictures of friends that I took periodically along the way on their journey that make me tear up; those who did everything--watching their deterioration was very hard. This is not negative but realistic. 

I gently remind her to take care of herself, get help and build a tribe of people who build you up.

GETTING FIRED

I hate you find yourself at this spot. I have been there so often in my not so illustrious careers that if anybody can empathize, I can. 

Fired four times officially in the Army and no telling how many other times, that only I know about. If I live long enough, I am going to write a book about it. The time which I remember most is Vietnam. I had been with these guys in my unit for almost a year and the head chaplain took an incredible dislike to me. Probably some sort of jealousy. He replaced me with somebody else and sent me to the rear. What nobody could understand is why that should bother me as it got me out of combat; but to me, it was a big thing, really devastating. 

At war unusual things can happen. The head chaplain was based at this place called Camp Eagle. It was at the headquarters with all the staff people and the generals--they had never been attacked. Most considered that it was safe and impenetrable. They had all the amenities. I was down South, getting ready to be unceremoniously thrown out of the country. Most figured I must have done something bad or whatever or else this would not be happening. I didn't understand it myself. 

Without warning, Camp Eagle came under attack. Actually a siege, nobody could get to them. It went on for about three days. Finally, they were rescued. The head chaplain was catatonic and had to be send home. I went back to my old unit. 

The interesting thing is that nobody other than me or the head chaplain were even knowledgeable of what had gone on. Had the siege not happened, I would have gone home and been out of the Army. The rest of this is history, I guess. If there is a moral to the story, it is just, "keep your head down and see what happens." There is nothing worse sometimes than jealousy. And, in our culture, money also seems to be the winner but I am still naive enough to believe that "right" is the winner. I can tell you what it did for me throughout my career, it made me a champion of the underdog, the downtrodden or those who got on the wrong side of the beauracratic establishment. Most of my peers feel that my public "stands" probably kept me from being the chief of chaplains. I don't think so. It was probably my choice of assignments but who knows. 

BEING SUPPORTIVE

I took a friend to the doctor for a CT scan this morning. She had a double mastectomy this summer and is having her fourth chemo Monday—then 8 more, one each week. She’s already had to have a blood transfusion. The CT scan is to see if the cancer has spread. She was a survivor of childhood cancer and had lots of radiation then, which apparently makes you more likely to have cancer later. I hope she’ll be OK. She’s got three kids, 8, 12, 17, and a husband. 

GOD BLESS HER

So sorry about your friend. You did such a good thing. Cancer is such an insidious disease. Sometimes I sit in the lobby at UCSF (University of California, San Francisco), messing on my phone or something and the sadness in the faces of the people are just heart breaking. The saddest are the really older folks (since I am one myself). I think it was last week--I was hanging out and this really old guy was trying to get his wife from the car to a wheelchair. The young guys, the parking attendants, were standing around, not knowing what to do. I put her in the wheelchair. (He needed somebody with him). Sad. 

Who knows the story? Of course, with an older couple, maybe 80 plus, time to make another decision. But, I don't know, I am just a "passer-by." Dang. See what I mean. You did a good thing, helping your friend. God bless.